


flames shooting up to the sky

by jerk3max



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Domestic, Gordon has PTSD, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26836693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jerk3max/pseuds/jerk3max
Summary: Gordon finally gets to go home after Benrey's defeat, but adjusting to life after the cascade won't be as easy as he thinks.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	flames shooting up to the sky

**Author's Note:**

> hello !!! i wanted to do some more writing w the sci team, mostly w cute dad gordos and joshua!! this started as a oneshot but i kept going so :') lol ill add tags as i go/ when they become relevant. 
> 
> title is from Bloody Mary Kate and Ashley by PUP (which is such a good HLVR song pls listen to it!)

Stepping out onto the pavement past the threshold of the Chuck-e-cheese, Gordon was almost immediately blinded by the sun. 

A gentle breeze brushes his face for what feels like the first time in months, and for once, there's not an alien in sight. 

It seemed as if the battle with Benrey had allowed the portals to close, returning the various Xen beasts to their planet, leaving Earth to begin it's recovery. 

The setting sun cast gentle rays across the Chuck-e-cheese parking lot, reflecting off the few parked cars. The shadows of his friends and fellow science team members are long across the tarmac, fuzzy and distorted in a way Gordon had missed seeing. 

He watches the gentle warp of the hot New Mexico air as it blurs the surrounding mountains, and he still feels tense.

His gaze turns to Gman, walking Tommy and Sunkist across the parking lot, and a small smile tugs on his face. 

Then, it clicks. 

Joshua.

His heart beats faster, and suddenly he's jogging towards them, calling out with exasperated shouts. Gordon’s hand collides with Gman’s back, gripping his suit jacket with knuckle-whitening force as he whips Gman around to face him.

Gman regards Gordon with a small head tilt and the beginnings of a smile, and Gordon’s hand moves to Gman’s sleeve, holding it tight.

“Mr Freeman…” Gman begins, taking a breath.

Gordon interrupts, “Joshua.” His eyes dart between Gman’s own, heart thudding in his chest, “My son, Joshua, please, you-” Gordon chokes in a gasp, “Where is he?”

“You son is safe and well, Mr Freeman,” Gman says, slowly, “I saw to it personally.”

“Oh thank God,” Gordon wheezes. He drops his hand from Gman’s blazer, and holds his chest, trying to steady his breathing. Gordon drops his head to sigh, and frowns in confusion as he notices Gman still standing over him. “Wait, personally?”

Gman gives a small nod, “Well, their safety is directly related to the safety of my own family, Mr Freeman. A revenge killing is something best… avoided, hm?” 

Gordon’s jaw is slack, and he nods slowly, “I.. Yeah…” He straightens up again, and Gman’s half smile returns.

“Joshua is with his father, Mr Freeman,” Gman says, gently moving past Gordon, “Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

"Wait, how the fuck am I supposed to get to Kevin's- I mean, to Joshua's father's place? I don't have a car anywhere near here," Gordon says, exasperated. 

Gman cocks his head, placing a hand onto Gordon's shoulder.

Suddenly they're on the tram car again, and the air leaves Gordon's lungs. Neon green rushes past the windows, and before Gordon can form a sentence, there's a thunderous zap, and another whirling portal opens. 

"I- This goes to Joshua?" Gordon asks, voice nervous.

"Yes, Mr Freeman. If you wouldn't mind departing soon. I'm sure you understand, I have places to be with my own... protégé," Gman says. 

Gordon nods, "Thank you."

He steps through the portal, and he's blinded by the light once more. 

Kevin's house stands before him, barely touched compared to the chaos surrounding it. He sighs in relief, and his heart beats faster.

He'd hardly spoken to Kevin since their divorce, only when he'd come to collect Joshua for his custody weekends, few and far between because of work. 

Gordon walks up the garden path, rubbing the back of his head. Man, he felt like such a shit father right now.

He knocks.

Kevin answers, peaking around the chained door with a baseball bat in hand. He softens slightly seeing Gordon, checking behind him for any sign of alien life before closing the door to unchain it completely.

Gordon smiles awkwardly as Kevin ushers him inside.

Kevin was a wide shouldered man, taller than Gordon, with dark skin and darker hair which was twisted into shoulder length locs, pulled back into a loose bun. His clothes are ragged, and Gordon assumes he hasn't had time to freshen himself up since the cascade.

"Hey, Kev," Gordon says, gently.

"Where have you been?" Kevin asks, leading Gordon through the house to the living room. Joshua makes grabby hands from his play mat on the carpet, “Jesus, what happened to your arm?!”

Gordon pauses, gazing down at his right arm. The machine gun had disappeared, leaving just the stump again. It had healed over in a way he had not noticed before, with deep, jagged scars forming a cross where his hand used to be. A few small marks dot up his arm, disappearing under the hem of his union-suit, clearly where the assholes had missed in Gordon’s struggle. 

“It’s… a long story,” Gordon says, meekly. “Usual world-endy survivor stuff, I guess.”

Kevin sighs, "The world ends and that's when you decide to not answer your phone?"

"I don't know what kind of news has been playing on the surface, but who do you think triggered the apocalypse, man?" Gordon says, exasperated, "I've been a little preoccupied with alien fighting."

"You're always preoccupied," Kevin says, rolling his eyes. He sighs and crosses his arms, "I don't want to argue, Gordon, especially not in front of Joshie." 

Kevin leans back onto the arm of the couch, averting his gaze to stare at Joshua on the floor.

"Neither do I, Kev," Gordon says. He steps closer, resting beside him on the sofa's arm. 

Kevin rests his head on Gordon's shoulder, "I really don't want to do this to you, but can you take him for a bit? I need to visit my mom."

"Of course, is everything okay?" Gordon asks, snaking his stump around Kevin. 

Kevin runs his fingernail along a scratch in the HEV suit, and sighs.

"I think she got hurt, she hasn't told me specifics, but I know I have to go see her," Kevin says, "I just couldn't take Josh up to see his grandma in that state, y'know?"

Gordon nods, "I get it. I can take Joshie for a bit. My apartment building wasn't destroyed, was it?"

Kevin laughs, "I'm pretty sure it's fine, still. You probably won't hear the end of it from Janice."

Gordon groans, smiling, "God, she's gonna be insufferable to live above."

"As if she was sufferable before?" Kevin says.

"Her conspiracy theories are going to go off the charts insane now," Gordon says, "Next level anti-Semitic leaflets are headed my way."

Kevin chuckles, "Try not to let Josh hear, okay?"

"You have my word," Gordon says, "I'm sorry for not being around."

Kevin stands, "Make it up to me now. I'm trusting you."

"You got it," Gordon says. He kneels down in front of Joshua, ruffling his curly hair, "Hey buddy, you wanna come spend some time with Gigi?"

Joshua gurgles happily, and Gordon scoops him up, letting him grab at the seams of the HEV suit. 

"Is his overnight bag ready?" Gordon asks, smiling as Kevin hands him the over-loaded gym bag. "Always prepared, huh?"

"Gotta be," Kevin replies, "I might be gone a while, are you gonna be okay?"

"After everything that's happened, I think I'll be fine, Kev. Let me know how your parents are doing."

Kevin nods, giving Joshua a forehead kiss, "I will, bye-bye guys, be safe."

Gordon waves one of Joshua's wrists, and carries him outside.

The walk across town to Gordon’s apartment was quiet.

The roads were completely deserted, turned over cars still smoking and store fronts completely smashed in. A few alien carcasses litter the streets, and Gordon tries to distract Joshua from the sight of mangled corpses. 

The serenity unnerved Gordon greatly. The last time things were this peaceful, his arm was cut off. 

He holds Joshua closer, keeping his stump firmly wrapped around his tiny body, and places his other hand casually on his holstered crowbar as it gently knocks against his leg. Joshua gurgles and grabs the soft inside of the HEV neckline, and Gordon can’t help but to laugh.

Unlocking his apartment door, he was greeted by stillness. 

His house was a small place, with his living room blending into his open-plan kitchen. His bedroom door was nestled next to the first kitchen counter, opposite the front door, and it was still covered in Pokémon stickers from one of Joshua's visitation weekends. 

Joshua squirms from Gordon's grasp, and heads straight for the small toy box in the living room, and Gordon smiles. At least Joshua would barely remember this mess.

Gordon collapses onto the sofa, and everything aches. He slowly shucks off the HEV suit parts, kicking them away as they clatter to the floor. 

He pauses as he takes the final broken piece off his limb, holding in a sigh at the sight of the torn fabric around it. He removes the sliced piece slowly, feeling a twinge of pain as the torn edge snags a scar. He barely flinches at the sight of blood now, mindlessly watching as it runs down his arm. His eyes focus again, settling on Joshua on the floor as he plays, and Gordon covers the wound. He holds his stump close to his chest and tilts his head back over the top of his couch, trying to calm his breathing as it quickens. His heart beats faster, and his exhaustion hits him like a truck.

He’s having another panic attack.

There's a small tug on the fabric of his union suit pant leg, and Gordon sits up, smiling weakly as Joshua hands him a toy cat.

"Oh thanks, buddy," Gordon says, heart feeling like it’s going to explode. "This one for me?"

Joshua presses the cat into Gordon's palm, "Gigi's."

"Okay, Gigi's. This one's mine," Gordon says, "What's his name?"

"Benby," Joshua says.

"Benny?" Gordon repeats, raising an eyebrow. Joshua nods, giggling, and Gordon forces a smile, "Okay, funny Benny."

Joshua nods, his giggles coming to an abrupt stop as he notices Gordon's limb, now exposed from the HEV suit. Joshua frowns, and Gordon hides his grimaces as Joshua touches his scars. Thankfully the bleeding had stopped.

"Wha’s that?" Joshua asks, looking up at Gordon.

"Oh, don't worry about it, Joshie, Gigi's okay," He says, ruffling Joshua's hair. "Hey, are you hungry?" Anything to distract Joshua. How do you explain attack amputation to a two year old?

Joshua nods, taking Gordon's hand as he stands from the sofa. Gordon leads them both to the kitchen.

Then Gordon remembers he hasn't been home in months. 

“Jellybean,” Joshua says.

He chuckles awkwardly, "Let's see what I actually have, huh buddy? There's probably a can of something non-perishable somewhere." 

He lets go of Joshua's hand to rifle through his cupboards, and turns in surprise to see Joshua popping open the fridge door.

"Hey! Where'd you learn to do that?" Gordon says. He's about to move Josh away, fearing the amount of mold-caked food rotting in close proximity, when he notices the fridge is _full._

Full of fresh food.

"What?" He says, with a shocked laugh, checking the date on a bag of mixed salad and finding it perfectly edible, "Wh-?"

He forces his shock aside for Joshua's sake, "What do you want to eat, little man? Looks like there's enough here for ants on a log!"

"Log please!" Joshua repeats.

"Yeah, log! Okay," Gordon scoops up Joshua and sets him on the counter, "Food fit for a king." 

Joshua babbles a little story to Gordon as he prepares the snack, taking it slow as he gets used to his new found left-handedness. 

He ponders the food situation as Josh talks.

Who else has access to his house? Was his landlord crashing here during the cascade? Nothing else seemed out of place, that Gordon could remember. 

That night, Gordon is unable to sleep.

The thought of another person in his house makes his skin crawl.

Sleeping almost seemed easier at Black Mesa, with the science team around him, always ready to fight.

Now he was alone, in what he had thought was a safe place, feeling totally exposed.

How was sleeping through impending doom in an under-attack facility easier than his own home? 

Whatever was going on, he refused to be away from his son.

He curls up on the floor beside Joshua's crib, and eventually passes out, exhausted.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading! kudos and comments very much appreciated and encouraged!!  
> have a good day/night wherever u are!!


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